1969 is 50

...and so are all of the 

following ladies... 

Jennifer Aniston 

Holly Aird 

Allison Balson 

Danielle Brisebois  

Bobbie Brown 

Martha Byrne 

Edwidge Danticat 

Cathy Dennis 

Sandy Denton 

Ami Dolenz 

Candy Dulfer 

Danielle Egnew 

Erika Eleniak 

Angie Everhart 

Gisselle 

Lucero 

Emma Rabbe 

and many, many more...

Now, it is not like a gentleman 

to ask a lady her age ~ they say! 

But... we didn't ask them! 

WE... GOOGLE! 

And, besides, 

who are they, anyway? 

Human beings - who age, 

like everybody else...! 

Googling ~ it is the way to go; 

we can find every info we want 

that safe and sure-as-heck way! 

There is a website for everything! 

And wouldn't you know it: 

there's just the perfect site 

for this sort of data, too: 

and it's called 

PATHETIC FACTS. 

The above (virtually unknown) singer 

was born a good 30 years earlier... 

her song was born in '69, tho! 

However, Mariah was not born in 1969 - 

it was 1970 - we've established that! 

(In the preceding video ~ right after 

Ed Hensley's very own 1969 tune!) 

But guess who else was born in 1969?  

Who else was "just born to lose" - ultimately? 

Here are but two clues now:  

she is hailed as a greater actress 

than all of the previously mentioned 

-born in the same year as she was- 

COMBINED... 

(Yeah; she is that overrated!) 

AND... 

they gave her the sobriquet... 

The ultimate compliment... 

*The* title of... 

LUMINOUS. 

THEY DARED. 

YEAH! 

Cate Blanchett shares, 

with Carrie Stevens, 

Holly Aird and Pat Hurst, 

the luminous distinction alright: 

that of having been born in 

the month of flowers ~ 

IN MAY...!!! 

AND IN 1969!!! 

However... 

See? She is NOT "luminous" one iota!!! 

೧೨ ಡೇಸ್ ಆಫ್ ಸ್ಪೇಸ್-ಮೆಸ್ಸ್...?!?

A special post guest-written by our good old friend Ackbar, surely...



'Tis that time of the year again...

''12 Days of Space-Mess'' that is...
Space-Mas, Space-Mess; what's the difference, eh?
(I think I just spoke in one of the 1001 alien dialects used in Lucas Productions over the years - but I am digressing right now...)

Space TV, better known as Space: The Imagination Station, is in the midst of its annual event called such; you can see its many promos for it by clicking here and you may see my personal favorite of them all by clicking on the picture below, which happens to be the picture of my favorite Star Wars character of all-time (he has looked and fared better than that too - but, yes, he has also looked much worse than that as well - like the time when he let Darth Vader slice him into oblivion...! But I am digressing once again here... Just click on the pic already!)



Thus, you've understood it and have heard it coming loud and clear; the unquestionable highlight of these messy proceedings in broadcasting is the umpteenth broadcast of STAR WARS: THE COMPLETE SAGA... Nothing else comes remotely close: not that insufferable Doctor Who and his Christmas Carol special (!), not that annoyingly self-sanctimonious Sanctuary; not that intolerable umpteenth Star Trek viewing penitence; certainly not the Zombie flicks all-in-a-row either!

 STAR WARS is where it's at - THIS IS THE SITH, BABY!

And that is exactly where it gets messy, unfortunately...

Why? Because Star Wars is precisely that: sith. Or siht. Or...

Let me explain myself: they make up a monumental, politically-complex (on the surface anyhow) SAGA revolving around a rip-off of a Knight Order, tack on robotics galore and self-derisive humor, add an extremely unhealthy dosage of dramatics and melodramatics even, mix in all manners and sorts of diluted references to every imaginable mythological epic as well as religious mythos there ever was *AND* they even have the guts to overindulge in the latest technology available today -CGI- in order to enhance it all beyond belief... *Whew!*

AND THEN... They simply blow it.

They basically made up a new style of devil in Darth Maul, to totally outperform their clone of Jesus Himself, Qui-Gon Jinn. Further more, they had called that clone *Jinn* - something never to be equated with the King of Kings - ever... Just ask some Klingons around - they are not hard to find either... Then George and his gang reveal that Qui-Gon Jinn had been a pupil to Christopher Lee's ''Count Dooku'' - who, despite the ridiculous name, remains, even in his old age, a tremendous dark screen presence just as he was back in the 1970s when he starred in Hammer horror classic films as Count Dracula. Thus, Dracula had instructed the clone of Jesus on how to be all that he could be - great going, George. Great Scott, Lucas - you couldn't begin to be more blasphemous if you had TRIED...!!! But I may be digressing yet again here...! So let's just move on here...

I did omit the all-important incriminating bit about George choosing to name his Jedi-that-turns-to-the-dark-side-of-the-Force... Anakin. A direct reference to the fallen angels of Judeo-Christianity; more precisely, a direct reference to the offspring of these fallen angels, as they came down to Earth and began "knowing women"... The results, The Holy Bible says, were the race (or mixed breed) of sufferers of gigantism called the Anakim! But that is another story... So Anakin should be perceived as some offspring of the heavenly attendant kind, which would immediately explain why he had such a concentrated portion of The Force within him when Qui-Gon discovers him... But all that is merely (not-so subtly) implied, of course - never directly referred to as a plausible, easy explanation of the facts (as it should be, in fact) because George is A) such a coward and B) George is such an anti-Christian!

Add to that hints at incest between brother and sister, needless (not to say aimless) mayhem and massacres all throughout the "SAGA" and a sense of each episode being nothing more than a long sequence of mishaps and mistakes that carry on through the entire movie and, somehow, move the so-called "SAGA" forward, without much progress really, each and every single time...

Put all these factors (and plenty more) together and you shall see exactly what I mean here: STAR WARS IS A MONUMENTAL MESS!

And, thanks to this special event over at Space, you can clearly see how messy it gets as the six flicks are all shown in a row and (at least) twice too; starting on December 24th and going all the way through the early hours of December 26th...!

Watch then and you will note that all of these gross exaggerations and aberrations will start standing out all by themselves: and that is definitely NOT a good sign...

For it means that the mess is now out of control - and no one, absolutely no one (and that includes George) can remedy to it anymore! Not even if they spend the rest of their lives releasing new CGI-improved versions every five years or so...!

This sith is out of whack - and they will never admit to that sad conjuncture now for that might imply that they might have had something to do with it getting to be that way in the first place...!!!

Imagine how bad the other crap is, though: Doctor Who, Sanctuary and the Zombies are considerably more pathetic themselves, each in their own way..... And there is nothing to add to the saddest case of all, Star Trek - just ask the Trekkies out there!

The home-made commercials remain little gems of publicity though: they are inventive and incorporate just the right amount of humor to help us all stomaching that atrocious stuff! (And atrocious it is - only the Toxic Avenger could surpass it in sheer atrocity-level, I tell you!)

The home-made commercials are ART, in fact - unpretentious pure ART! And you can admire them as such and admire them all here Just let yourself be delighted to see such creeps as Darth Vader, Boba Fett, the Stormtrooper and (especially) the loathsome Darth Maul make total douche bags of themselves - "douche bag" being an expression George would use and even affectionate, I am sure... But that is me digressing once again!

Whatever happened to the traditional 12 Days of Christmas, I wonder in all that... Commercialism and such did not stop at putting The Christ out of Christmas - they had to put in SPACE instead of Him...!!!

Space-Mas, Space-Mess...! JUST CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF, I SAY!

There are 1001 better ways to spend these 12 Days, I tell ya...!
Admiring TRUE ART is but one of them...
Start here.

;)

Odds and Ends...

Harsh Reality is out on DVD now - the producers of that one will find that it is indeed a very harsh MARKET reality, out there too...
Eragon is also out on DVD - I guess it was more Dragonheart-like than LOTR-like after all, eh? The dragon's size is also more akin to that of a guppy "out there"...

====================================

Other DVD releases (that could have easily been "straight-to-DVD" releases while they were at it - but that is another story...) include The Marine.
Man - these WWE movies (See No Evil, No Holds Barred, The Condemned, The Unrepentent too (?), No Profit Allowed, See No Quality... Ok, I made up that last one and the WWE itself made up the second-to-last one there, in one of their many fits against Terry Bollea - aka Hulk Hogan!) I tell you; if there weren't TVA Films out there ("Fido" reeks and glows of a straight-to-DVD aura itself; but it is getting a theatrical try-out nonetheless, soon... Makes no sense to release a ZOMBIE FILM (named after a DOG OF A MOBILE COMPANY to boot) NOW, while Spring is in the process of springing... But that is their strategy! Such a film should be released in October, of course - and straight to DVD too! But I digress...) and if there weren't other cheapie filmmakers out there, in such overwhelming abundance, WWE Entertainment would be THE FRONT RUNNER... IN THE RECKLESS, ARTLESS, OUT-OF-CONTROL SICKENING WASTE OF CELLULOID PRINTS!
And at the Razzies, too...

====================================

I hope "The Marine" has an alternate ending - like ROCKY BALBOA, another DVD release (after a mostly mild success itself, in theaters...) will have - and no, it does not involve Rocky being busted for illegal substances in the less-than-hallowed Philadelphia Spectrum...!
(The old -now non-existent- Montreal Forum was reputed to have fantômes roaming its hallways and playing surface, equally... Does the Spectrum have spectres? Their AHL club is called the Phantoms... Just wondering...)
But let's see what it could be now, as far as an alternate ending for "The Marine" is concerned: John Cena gets permanently incapacitated from doing any more action movies!? Hey, it worked with The Rock, Bruce Willis and "Ah-nold" - unfortunately, we got as a direct result of that three plights of momentous proportions indeed: "serious thespian" The Rock; "serious thespian" Bruce Willis; and the power-mad Governator with that!!!
:(

He shamelessly gropes women, spouts out racial slurs, sentences to death reformed criminals, admits to be an Adolf fanboy on the side - AND he wants to be the first foreigner to be elected President of the United States nonetheless! What untold evils we get as bonuses when we do get what we wished for, sometimes - was all this worth the "bliss" of not having to go through a "Cobra 2", "Terminator 4", "Eraser Deux" and "True Lies Redux" (reflux?) - HUH?!? I don't think so...!
But I digress again...

====================================

Hulk will be shot in Toronto, they've announced...
The city of Montreal was, apparently, deeply heart-broken to not have the true Hulkster wreak havoc in their incredibly miserable sleazy town this summer... Boo-hoo...
Toronto, meanwhile, is pleased as punch another sci-fi "epic" will be made on their turf - shades of Millennium, I guess?!? Or that Travolta thing done for the glory of Scientology...?!?
Lest they fondly remember all those sad Scanners films...!
And so, the *true* Hulkster will be shot in T.O.
Well, I have to say - "so what?!?"
''What's you gonna do... BROTHER?!?''
Seems like everybody and their cousin are shot in Toronto, nowadays...!!!
Yes - THAT is another story...

However, Cate Blanchett and Brad Pitt will head for Montreal instead of T.O. in the coming months; I wonder... Knowing the fickle nature of the Pittster, his keen sense to wreck his own peace of mind and his love of women, is this when he will try to embark on a torrid love affair with Miss Blanchett (the LUMINOUS CATE BLANCHETT, some have taken to call her - should I sue? Not her - them! Whoever they are...!!!) and ditch Mrs. Gia-Lara Croft Smith in the sulfurous process...?

Actually, what will happen is that Cate will slap Brad silly, he will take a tumble off Mont-Royal (much worse than that other lady recently took...) and that will be the end of that!

====================================

IMDB is taking a poll on the merits of casting Matt Damon as James T. Kirk in an umpteenth Star Trek failed-in-advance film...
Me, I wonder what is Matt's "entourage" doing letting him do that?!?
Matt clearly expressed his desire to NEVER portray a "super-hero" type on the big screen - ever! Unlike his buddy J-Lo-X Bennifer Aflack did, as Daredevil...
Sure, Nicholas Cage wanted to be Superman years ago and finally considerably (make that tremendously - beyond the point of tolerance and belief!) lowered his expectations and took the part of Ghost Rider instead...
And the ever-huggable Tobey Maguire is Spider-Man - for now.
While Christian Bale was desperate enough to be Batman...
Only a newcomer would be Superman though - an ambiguous metrosexual one at that...
But an Oscar-winner was convinced to put in double duty as "Catwoman-Storm"...!
And the once venerable actor who portrayed so convincingly seaman Horatio Hornblower was among the Fantastic Four - alongside a hot-headed newbie, a starlet that is used to this and a reliable rock-solid TV actor who was willing to wear tons of make-up in order to become a... Thing.
There is, hence, some "honor" in portraying a superheroic type these days...
However, Matt turned down flat the "unchance" to portray one of the worst of all; Sub-Mariner, when rumors were that he'd get offered the part...
Matt had, back then, enough common sense in him to know that if he played the part of such a weird, obnoxious, would-be-prince anti-hero, his "good guy" image would be WASTED - for good! That is a definite no-go for Good Will Hunting!
Still he has been anti-heroic before - what he REALLY worries about is his reputation as a SERIOUS ACTOR, of course!
What has happened to him for him to fail to sense the very same danger here, with this lousy part of an all-around too-cocky-for-his-own-good Starfleet Academy hotshot punk, still wet-behind-the-ears to boot, at this point in his "unsaga"...?
You've guessed it - I'm no Kirk fan! Heck, I'm no Trekkie either!
The only true space-faring heroes I can think of, from the "golden age of TV sci-fi" are: Prof. Robinson from Lost In Space... Apollo & Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica... Buck Rogers Gil Gerard. And Koenig (with crew) from Space: 1999...!
Not Kirk - NEVER Kirk!
How can Good Will Matt here not see the appalling effect that getting into the second skin of one Bad William Shatner (ughhhhh) might have on him and the way he is perceived by the public henceforth...?!?

Matt Damon should, instead, seriously consider TRUE super-heroic parts: I'd see him as Captain America or as Green Lantern.
Neither one of those two roles are as cartoony as Kirk is...
(Although any role can get to be cartoony with Tinseltown casting cooks, nowadays...)

====================================

Mentioned DAMON - gotta mention WAHLBERG.
The execrable one - not Donnie! ;)
(And feel relieved I will not mention DiCAPRIO too!)

Marky Mark has his (straight?) SHOOTER coming out these days - I saw the commercial for it the other day and it made me laugh...
In it, some bimbo of service tells him something like: "you are ready for everything, eh?" (she must be a CANADIAN THESPIAN bimbo du jour, oui...)

I doubt Marky Mark is truly prepared to see how huge a flop this one will be...

To think that this guy, like Matt who flat out refused Sub-Mariner, laughed off the notion that he would ever portray AQUAMAN...
And he prefers to become the "Shooter" instead.
He thinks this to be "his Bourne Identity" - rrrright.
Dream on Marky Mark!
(James Cameron was equally laughably proposed as a director for that one - based upon his past "Abyss-mal" accomplishments, I am sure... He then got truly abysmal when he agreed to produce and promote with added gusto that inane documentary on the alleged tombs of a certain Holy Family... But I'm digressing once more...)

Well then, the shooter -for his part- will be shot down by those 300 maniacs, the number 23, that Zodiac maniac, Spider-Man 3, those Hills that have eyes too...
- and even those Disney Wild Hogs, I tell you!

Luminous (\ô/) Luciano ™ has spoken! (Or written, anyhow!)
;)

"And so Tinseltown carries about its daily bristled business without a care in the world... They are, indeed, a world of privilege; a self-sufficient world; a world apart.

How can they not see that they have a responsibility in the overall order of things? Beyond merely "educating", accurately reflecting the times we live in by portraying them in a non-idealized way on the small and big screens and even beyond giving the moviegoer or film buff/ DVD purchaser his or her money's worth... BEYOND all that - Hollywood owes it to the world to GIVE BACK to it - give back to the 'Have-Nots' in kind, for they are 10 times as numerous as you are, Tinseltown tools - and they matter, too."

The above excerpt of a luminous essay by MOI is brought to you by:
THE TLB PRIME NETWORK
THE LUMINOUS BLOG
LUMINOUS COUNTRY
LUMINOUS LAND
LUMINOUS WRITINGS
(do you see a theme developing here yet...?)
and me... Luminous (\ô/) Luciano ™
;)