TEEN THOR GO - KAPUT!
Here I was all set to spend another day OFF... ONLINE. I really should stop doing that. But I had a myriad things to do, on the old PC: upload, download, write, edit, synchronize, code, back-check, file, touch up, photoshop, rewrite, post, share, re-share, save, delete...!
I could add now, in hindsight, the words ''unfollow'' and ''block'' to that not-so short list there!
Here I was touching upon the nostalgia of the characters, about to broach upon the storytelling debate that is raging on everywhere else (and is the true point of contention in that hackneyed ''DCEU vs MCU'' crapfest - unbelievably enough! Imagine that: a medium chock-full of borrowed concepts and pilfered material from all the true classics - it has, allegedly, masterful storytelling that is not done justice to by its cinematic adaptations - but strictly on that one side, though. Such irritatingly one-sided near-sighted idiocy... I cannot stomach! But it still goes on... So I have to chime in. But even as I end it all with a well-rounded luminous message about the planet's welfare, the clown ignores it completely and goes right back to... box-office numbers. I joke about the whole debate once again - mixing in the types of live action, as they joyously cross-reference them in Marvel all the time. He doesn't get it. He wonders why; laments why I did that; might as well compare the merchandising now... GOD - WHAT A MORON. A Marvelous moron! Sort of evokes that old film based upon a short story: the Magnificent Obsession! No - it's not even close, really! All I was doing was bring up the live action made for TV by DC and it being vastly superior to the like-material released by Marvel - and he brings up animation and all sorts of other things! I retort with elegance, not showing impatience with the brat - yet:
Don't bring cartoons into this now... sheesh! But here is the root of the problem though, right there in a nutshell: you are all kids who want your funny comic books FUNNY. Well you got your bastardization of the mythological Ragnarok with humor on the same level as Teen Titans Go indeed - HAPPY? You might as well sing it to that tune too right now:
But it is too late already - is it not? My estimate is that about 70 million MORONS went to see that atrocity already - they did go see it (if we round up the price of admission to 10$ a pop - I mean, a dud!) and they paid top dollar at the Cineplex to see it, too! Cate Blanchett didn't have do disrobe for it nor perform lewd acts, this time; none of the stunt doubles lost a limb, this time; and Chris Whatsisname (Thor himself!) along with his bro Loki and the Bulk didn't truly have to act at all; once again, they were just having fun and being handsomely paid for their time - that's all.
Hopefully, I am wrong, of course: and right at the same time! Because I have had the lingering impression (and shared it during that waste-of-MY-time exchange with the inbred; an inbred named... Kansas, believe it or not! Can't wait to meet Alabama and Texas next...) that, in truth, the same, pathetic Marvel Zombies go repeatedly to see these wastes of celluloid and CGI - in order to artificially balloon up the numbers at the box office. They are ''passionate'' enough (in a crazed sense bordering upon lunacy, of course) about this ''war'' they imagine that they have with DC, the lone competition to speak of, to do just that... And that would be just great, in fact: for we'd have substantially less than the estimated 70 million MORONS running loose, then. Of course, there are plenty more types of lunatics running loose as it is; far more dangerous ones too - but that's another story and not the topic right now!
One thing that is apparent, each and every time I engage one of these low-I.Qed numbskulls, is that they cannot keep pace whenever I make several associations or too many sidetracks that truly enrich the boring repartee that they are giving... So let's keep it simple - for their sad sake! MARVEL... and DC... are the same damn thing! And while these insane fanboys keep on prattling on and on about the merits and flaws of each - the world around them is full of real dilemmas truly worthy of attention - but the dweebs don't see a thing! And back to that particular pea-brained dweeb for a second now, one last time:
At some point, I give the pig too many pearls all at once and he complains ''I can't even understand what you're saying now'' - yet he will not care what I have to say? OMG! I decide to end his suffering with this: You cannot force yourself to admit that Legends of Tomorrow trumps your poor Defenders beyond belief - see if I care. But *you* on the other end should care what else I have to say - and will not! Because I do have better things to do... I added, as a sign-off... Or so I thought!
(I made the mistake of keeping the tab open... the sound on... the following of the tread active, as well... Oh, and it didn't occur to me to block that punk either - not right away, anyway!)
I did not want to say any more, see? I have no time nor energy to waste educating or opening the eyes of such modern troglodytes...! But he kept pestering that tread - and I lost my entire Sunday afternoon - with THIS!!! Aaaaaarrrrgggggghhhhh!!!
The good thing is, though... I intended to blog about this crap. Here. All along! It's been in my head since September, at least! Thor: Ragnarok and Justice League seemed doomed to be compared - both feature an assemblage of characters united to fight against overwhelming (and unbelievable) odds... These goofballs who are madly passionate about either one of these films ignored the far-too cerebral (for them) Blade Runner 2049 that did so poorly at the box-office because of that... Never mind films such as ''Te Ata'' or ''Gabriel And The Mountain'' or ''Wonder'' released just about now, too... They will not even think of watching such fare if it was on TV for free! They want their four-color characters on the big screen, as realistic as possible, funny, brainless, violent, colorful, larger-than-life (to the point of impossibly unrealistic - they don't care; they're super-heroes! They can do anything!) - and they want them NOW. And not just any damn way either - the way THEY want it, too!
And, once upon a time, I did want it too... I wanted a faithful adaptation of the ''epic'' stories featuring these characters I grew up reading, sure: the Justice League, for darn sure... Aquaman and his Atlantis... Green Lantern, done like Star Wars... A number of other lesser-known members of that team and their extended fictional universe - but enough with Batman and Superman! They are the necessary conduits through which we get the others, though; so... Wonder Woman just recently had a remarkable film adaptation done by Patty Jenkins and it proved, to most everyone, that such a creative exercise is not entirely without merit. It was done in the right tone; not like some sort of freakshow in space, peppered with slapstick comedy and nonsense aplenty, like those Guardians of the Galaxy or Thor's bastardization of Norse mythology...! That Ragnarok: it is like, if you can imagine, one took the Book of Revelation or the Coran and made a wild comedy about that! Would it be acceptable? Don't answer that!
(Especially not you, dumb a$$ Kansas!)
I could add now, in hindsight, the words ''unfollow'' and ''block'' to that not-so short list there!
Here I was touching upon the nostalgia of the characters, about to broach upon the storytelling debate that is raging on everywhere else (and is the true point of contention in that hackneyed ''DCEU vs MCU'' crapfest - unbelievably enough! Imagine that: a medium chock-full of borrowed concepts and pilfered material from all the true classics - it has, allegedly, masterful storytelling that is not done justice to by its cinematic adaptations - but strictly on that one side, though. Such irritatingly one-sided near-sighted idiocy... I cannot stomach! But it still goes on... So I have to chime in. But even as I end it all with a well-rounded luminous message about the planet's welfare, the clown ignores it completely and goes right back to... box-office numbers. I joke about the whole debate once again - mixing in the types of live action, as they joyously cross-reference them in Marvel all the time. He doesn't get it. He wonders why; laments why I did that; might as well compare the merchandising now... GOD - WHAT A MORON. A Marvelous moron! Sort of evokes that old film based upon a short story: the Magnificent Obsession! No - it's not even close, really! All I was doing was bring up the live action made for TV by DC and it being vastly superior to the like-material released by Marvel - and he brings up animation and all sorts of other things! I retort with elegance, not showing impatience with the brat - yet:
Don't bring cartoons into this now... sheesh! But here is the root of the problem though, right there in a nutshell: you are all kids who want your funny comic books FUNNY. Well you got your bastardization of the mythological Ragnarok with humor on the same level as Teen Titans Go indeed - HAPPY? You might as well sing it to that tune too right now:
T-H-O-R...
R-A-G...
N-A...ROK!
EXCEL-SIOR!
DON'T GO!!!
Stan Lee will cry with joy at the sound of that...
But it is too late already - is it not? My estimate is that about 70 million MORONS went to see that atrocity already - they did go see it (if we round up the price of admission to 10$ a pop - I mean, a dud!) and they paid top dollar at the Cineplex to see it, too! Cate Blanchett didn't have do disrobe for it nor perform lewd acts, this time; none of the stunt doubles lost a limb, this time; and Chris Whatsisname (Thor himself!) along with his bro Loki and the Bulk didn't truly have to act at all; once again, they were just having fun and being handsomely paid for their time - that's all.
Hopefully, I am wrong, of course: and right at the same time! Because I have had the lingering impression (and shared it during that waste-of-MY-time exchange with the inbred; an inbred named... Kansas, believe it or not! Can't wait to meet Alabama and Texas next...) that, in truth, the same, pathetic Marvel Zombies go repeatedly to see these wastes of celluloid and CGI - in order to artificially balloon up the numbers at the box office. They are ''passionate'' enough (in a crazed sense bordering upon lunacy, of course) about this ''war'' they imagine that they have with DC, the lone competition to speak of, to do just that... And that would be just great, in fact: for we'd have substantially less than the estimated 70 million MORONS running loose, then. Of course, there are plenty more types of lunatics running loose as it is; far more dangerous ones too - but that's another story and not the topic right now!
One thing that is apparent, each and every time I engage one of these low-I.Qed numbskulls, is that they cannot keep pace whenever I make several associations or too many sidetracks that truly enrich the boring repartee that they are giving... So let's keep it simple - for their sad sake! MARVEL... and DC... are the same damn thing! And while these insane fanboys keep on prattling on and on about the merits and flaws of each - the world around them is full of real dilemmas truly worthy of attention - but the dweebs don't see a thing! And back to that particular pea-brained dweeb for a second now, one last time:
At some point, I give the pig too many pearls all at once and he complains ''I can't even understand what you're saying now'' - yet he will not care what I have to say? OMG! I decide to end his suffering with this: You cannot force yourself to admit that Legends of Tomorrow trumps your poor Defenders beyond belief - see if I care. But *you* on the other end should care what else I have to say - and will not! Because I do have better things to do... I added, as a sign-off... Or so I thought!
(I made the mistake of keeping the tab open... the sound on... the following of the tread active, as well... Oh, and it didn't occur to me to block that punk either - not right away, anyway!)
I did not want to say any more, see? I have no time nor energy to waste educating or opening the eyes of such modern troglodytes...! But he kept pestering that tread - and I lost my entire Sunday afternoon - with THIS!!! Aaaaaarrrrgggggghhhhh!!!
The good thing is, though... I intended to blog about this crap. Here. All along! It's been in my head since September, at least! Thor: Ragnarok and Justice League seemed doomed to be compared - both feature an assemblage of characters united to fight against overwhelming (and unbelievable) odds... These goofballs who are madly passionate about either one of these films ignored the far-too cerebral (for them) Blade Runner 2049 that did so poorly at the box-office because of that... Never mind films such as ''Te Ata'' or ''Gabriel And The Mountain'' or ''Wonder'' released just about now, too... They will not even think of watching such fare if it was on TV for free! They want their four-color characters on the big screen, as realistic as possible, funny, brainless, violent, colorful, larger-than-life (to the point of impossibly unrealistic - they don't care; they're super-heroes! They can do anything!) - and they want them NOW. And not just any damn way either - the way THEY want it, too!
And, once upon a time, I did want it too... I wanted a faithful adaptation of the ''epic'' stories featuring these characters I grew up reading, sure: the Justice League, for darn sure... Aquaman and his Atlantis... Green Lantern, done like Star Wars... A number of other lesser-known members of that team and their extended fictional universe - but enough with Batman and Superman! They are the necessary conduits through which we get the others, though; so... Wonder Woman just recently had a remarkable film adaptation done by Patty Jenkins and it proved, to most everyone, that such a creative exercise is not entirely without merit. It was done in the right tone; not like some sort of freakshow in space, peppered with slapstick comedy and nonsense aplenty, like those Guardians of the Galaxy or Thor's bastardization of Norse mythology...! That Ragnarok: it is like, if you can imagine, one took the Book of Revelation or the Coran and made a wild comedy about that! Would it be acceptable? Don't answer that!
(Especially not you, dumb a$$ Kansas!)
Previews and teasers for this shitfest
had no qualms at all about
misusing the great Immigrant Song
gifted to us by Led Zeppelin...!
Why would we be surprised
that it respects absolutely none
of the rules and conventions
of cinematic adaptations...
even within its genre's criteria...
or, Valhalla forbid,
Norse tradition?!?
It's all about the
SOURCE MATERIAL -
and Stan ''The Alleged Man'' Lee
did just that, so happily,
way back when he ''adapted''
a Norse deity into one of his
staple super-heroes;
turning the redheaded brute
into a blond-tressed softy
in one of the most
unimaginative
''creative'' heists
of all time!
(He only topped himself when he made
all four basic elements a fantastic quartet
- or when he put together a rag-tag, odder than odd
motley crew comprising an angel, a Ciclope,
the beast without the beauty and a... snowman!
But those are other stories...)
Now, as for the LEAGUE...
Maybe the studio did damage it by insisting upon
a cut lasting no more than two hours...
But the DC equivalent of the Marvel Zombie
will not only see it in theaters multiple times over too;
they will see the entire thing on DVD,
unedited and uncut - another
ULTIMATE EDITION, à la BvS...!
Hence, they will be happy...
Eventually!
Not me, though...
But that is another story too!
The ongoing debate raging on between fanboys is truly one about two things: bragging rights - and that storytelling ability thing! With the source material having clearly hit the bottom of a dried-up well, the former ''house of (pilfered, really) ideas'' has turned to moviemaking magic as its sole hope to rule the market for this sort of fare - and new owner Disney wants it to do just that! For years - yeeeeears - Marvel Zombies have suffered of a great inferiority complex when it came to film or television adaptations, as their rival had a seeming monopoly on this. Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman - though campy at times, all had had successful television runs while Marvel only had that monotonous, downright depressing Hulk series with Bill Bixby to mention, really. (No, their awful Spider-Man doesn't count; nor anything else they tried to get done!) As for the big screen, even The Vigilante (one of the first actual serials done, based upon a comic-book!) and, decades later, Swamp Thing were more memorable than the first three attempts at making a Captain America movie! DC was way ahead - and the WB sinned by being too complacent and not believing that this would ever change; that Marvel would ever get out of its slump (Punisher and Blade films - that's all they realistically could get done!) and gain access to the game-changer: CGI! Once they could put on screen a believable Hulk or Iron Man, once they got to be owned by Disney, it was a matter of time. And the Marvel fans started getting cocky, because they thought they could get it all now - and since the films closely match the tight continuity their books were known for, they got the illusion that theirs were the better constructed films...
Ah, the bliss of the ignorant!
Ultimately, I care not one way or the other.
What I wanted was to see the other League again:
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen!
LXG!
With my notable luminous penchant for the classics,
I would want this league, instead...!
Aquaman looks more than ever like Nemo now...
Of course I do want James Wan's Aquaman to be
very much heavy on all things having to do with ATLANTIS -
for the very same reasons here...!
The key is to respect the source material -
pace yourself in the storytelling...
and whip it all up with flair, in the cutting room!
A new LXG, combining what made Guy Ritchie's
Sherlock Holmes captivating
with copious amounts of well-crafted CGI
and avoidance of all that made the ill-fated
Raven flick with Cusack as Poe
such a dreadful waste of celluloid, too...
That's what I would really like to watch!
Not this:
And not this either:
...easy: 0.0 all the way to 0.9 - on a scale of 1 to 10!
Hmm... The time-traveling Norseman who, upon seeing this
disrespectful crap dishonoring all that he believes in,
goes into a berserker rage dismembering
everyone involved with the film -
or who likes it so much!
Now this one -
everyone has to consider it but a mere preview
of the actual feature-length film...
available soon, on DVD and Blu-Ray!
A preview you have to pay full price to see -
but, hey, that big screen is worth it, right?
And here, the CGI is used for something cool -
not merely to breed life into an imaginary
green giant!
;-)
Labels: Aquamovie, cinema, comics, Iron Man, star wars, Superman, Theater, Trailers, trends, zombies
posted by Luminous (\ô/) Luciano™ at 6:10 PM
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